I was reading research on relationships by Prof John Gottman, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington. Gottman was recognized in 2007 as one of the 10 most influential therapists of the past quarter century. Research at the Gottman Institute in Seattle USA has focused on why some couples stay together while otherscontinue reading
Bernie Jacobs Archives
What Lies Beneath..
As a very young woman, I trained and worked as an actress. I still act, but these days for pleasure and not for money. But play-acting has taught me so many life lessons and also lessons that I can generalize to my Coaching practice. A play text is sparse. As an actor, when presented withcontinue reading
Who’s The Boss?
What are your driving nightmares? Have you ever driven behind a really inconsiderate driver, the kind who on a nice road trip slows down up hills on a barrier line, and then speeds up like crazy just when you have the opportunity to finally overtake, so that you can’t? Or who parks on a redcontinue reading
Duchesses and Flower Girls
Do you find that your relationships at work or in your family are less than ideal? Perhaps characterized by conflict, or worse – distant and cut off – as though people have stopped trying to bridge the gap with you, they’ve just given up? We can never change other people, only ourselves, so it maycontinue reading
When Things Fall Apart
In the film The Best Marigold Hotel, Evelyn says, Initially you’re overwhelmed. But gradually you realize it’s like a wave. Resist, and you’ll be knocked over. Dive into it, and you’ll swim out the other side. Sometimes life falls apart on multiple levels all at once. Perhaps bereavement or a divorce, coupled with resultant emotionalcontinue reading
How Do We Get To A Point Of Acceptance During Loss?
Last week I wrote about how my hairdresser cruised some really challenging circumstances by kicking off from a point of acceptance. See Which “V” do you choose? (Three A’s to happiness in a storm.) You may have heard of the Five Phases of Grief, a model put forward by the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross incontinue reading
Which “V” Do You Choose? (Three A’s To Happiness In A Storm.)
While I was at my hairdresser the other day, she got a phone call to say her four-year-old daughter had had a fit while at school. I heard her making a few more anxious phone calls, and then she returned to breezily finish off my hair. I was amazed at her equanimity under what Icontinue reading
Finding Confidence When You Really Need It
Whether you’re, CEO, HoD or Joe or Mary Soap, we all have stressful situations in our lives where we could do with that extra dollop of confidence. Going up the hierarchy, perhaps you need to ask a favour of your boss; going down the hierarchy, perhaps you need to confront a recalcitrant employee and callcontinue reading
Girls Behaving Badly
We don’t need to be perfect. The artist Salvador Dali famously said, Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. I was recently asked to offer specialized commentary on an online publication’s feature on “Bad girls” in society, in this case, women who behave “badly” to snare a man. But as part ofcontinue reading
Making Friends With Negative Emotions
THE GUEST HOUSE This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guestcontinue reading