Noomii Interview

Noomii Interview

Bernie is a member of an international Coach Directory called Noomii based in Vancouver and has recently conducted an audio interview with them. Have a listen here to the Noomii interview.  

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How do we get to a point of Acceptance during loss?

How do we get to a point of Acceptance during loss?

Last week I wrote about how my hairdresser cruised some really challenging circumstances by kicking off from a point of acceptance. See Which “V” do you choose? (Three A’s to happiness in a storm.) But how do you get to this point of acceptance when you’ve suffered a loss or a trauma in your life? The main thing is not to expect too much from yourself too quickly. The whole thing is a process, which goes through many phases, and even cycles backwards and forwards through the phases a few times. See if you recognize how you may have shown up in the past. And if you are undergoing a trauma right now, use it to give yourself a roadmap and hope that things need not always feel as bad as they feel right now. You may have heard of the Five Phases of Grief, a model put forward by the Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, and still used today.  Although it was first mooted as the way in which we deal with news we are fatally ill, she later modified it to include the way we deal with any form of personal loss – including things like bereavement, losing a job, suffering a major rejection, divorce or relationship break-up, and so on. It outlines the way we respond to even minor defeats. When we suffer a setback, our first default position is Denial, where we kid ourselves that this isn’t really happening. Perhaps we just misunderstood the meaning of it! Once we can no longer deny the truth of our circumstances, we feel Anger, and we rage against the injustice of the world. And when the energy of this anger is spent, we try Bargaining – perhaps with God, perhaps with the lover who rejected us. We try to negotiate an alternate way of still being able to hang onto the circumstances as they were before they went wrong. When we finally realize that this isn’t working, we go into Depression, a withdrawal into ourselves, and deep grieving for what has been lost. Only then, do we reach Acceptance, that point at which we stop fighting it and begin to work with it. It is from this point of Acceptance that we can find peace. But this takes time – so be very loving and patient with yourself while you are getting...

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Finding confidence when you really need it

Finding confidence when you really need it

Whether you’re the CEO, HoD or Joe or Mary Soap, we all have stressful situations in our lives where we could do with that extra dollop of confidence. Going up the hierarchy, perhaps you need to ask a favour of your boss; going down the hierarchy, perhaps you need to confront a recalcitrant employee and call them to book. And if it’s not a courageous conversation you need to have, you may be going for a job interview, nailing that deal or having to give a public speech. Is there anything you can do to prepare yourself so that you go out there and make it count? Professor Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist at the Harvard Business School who has done considerable research on emotions, power and the effect of social stimuli on hormone levels. What she has discovered is remarkable. She has found that what we do with our bodies, changes our minds. And it is so simple. Have a little experiment with yourself. Stand as though you are anxious. Notice what your body is doing. You’ll probably observe that your head is bowed, your shoulders closed in, your weight is likely to be on one foot, and you will have slouched over your belly somewhat. Now stand as though you are so confident, you own the world. What is your body doing now? Your head is likely to be square, your shoulders open, your weight evenly distributed on both feet, and your belly will have lifted. So the mind impacts the body. BUT, Cuddy has found, the body can also impact the mind. And, with consciousness, we can through choice, control the body. The stance we choose, actually has a chemical effect on our body which in turn affects our state of being. As Amy Cuddy says, Our bodies change our minds. Our minds change our behaviour. And our behaviour changes our outcomes. This is huge: You have the power in your body to shape your world. Here’s how it works. Testosterone is the “dominance” hormone, the key chemical for Power. Cortisol is our stress hormone. To prevail in stressful situations, we want high Testosterone and low Cortisol. By assuming what Cuddy calls power poses, we can get the desired chemical result in our bodies in just two minutes! So, prep for your stressful situation. Find a quiet space, even if it has to be the bathroom. Stand like Wonderwoman for two minutes. Now – go knock ’em dead! Enjoy this Amy Cuddy TED...

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Part 3 of a series on weight loss – So should I never eat junk?

Part 3 of a series on weight loss – So should I never eat junk?

Of course you should! And I’d like to state that you can eat junk and still lose weight. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I believe you won’t win your weight loss battle unless you eat some junk! The reason for this is that we eat not only in order to nourish our bodies, but also to give us pleasure, and in this way to feed our souls. Deprive yourself of the joy of eating for long enough, and your soul will go into rebellion – big time! Here is why you fall off that diet wagon. Then, crazily, we label ourselves as weak and often the cruelest self-talk begins to rattle around in our brains. But really, you are not weak. You are actually being strong – because in reality you are saying to yourself, “I won’t be controlled by someone else’s rules any longer. I’m in charge here and I will do what I like!” All “diets” are built on some form of deprivation, and we will only allow ourselves to be deprived by someone else’s rules for so long and no longer. Then we have a backlash. We may even go overboard – gorging foods that are not nourishing and in great quantity as a reaction. And in this way the yo-yo spins. So, how about shifting perspective instead? How about giving yourself permission to not only eat junk – from time to time – but to enjoy it? I invite you to throw out the guilt. Surrender completely to the experience of tasting that ice-cream, savouring those crisps, delighting in that glass of wine? Feel it in your mouth, taste it on your tongue, take your time in holding it in your mouth before swallowing. Revel in that moment of eating. Make your experience of it as complete and joyful as you can. So often we guiltily bolt food we have labeled “forbidden”, so that we don’t have to entertain it in our consciousness for too long. We don’t even taste it let alone enjoy it, and then we feel disgusted with ourselves for having eaten it. And what’s worse is that we then have a reason to throw healthy eating completely to the wind! But if you shift your perspective on eating some junk, and give yourself permission to indulge with total joy, you feed your soul – and your rebellious self is contained within proper boundaries and won’t go into backlash. To follow: Part 4 of a series on weight loss Joyful eating and the wisdom of the...

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Part 2 of a series on weight loss – What are our real hungers?

Part 2 of a series on weight loss – What are our real hungers?

So when you are overeating, or eating when you are not physically hungry, or eating the wrong foods, you are doing so to satisfy a genuine and powerful hunger for something else that will not be denied. Instead of beating yourself up about it, try to become curious about what is actually going on within you. In their 2005 article in the Journal of Nutritional Educational Behaviour, Sjostrom and Steiner-Adair* identified the following hungers, all of which except for the first one, we may mistakenly try to satisfy with food: Tummy hunger            needs         nourishing food. BUT Intellectual hunger     needs         stimulation Physical hunger           needs         movement Friendship hunger      needs         companionship Solitude hunger           needs         space Spiritual hunger          needs         meaning Creative hunger           needs        invention So, next time when you are not physically hungry and you find yourself reaching for the biscuit tin or that tub of ice-cream as a reflex, take a moment to pause. Tune in to your emotional and psychological state of being. Ask yourself, what is really going on here? What am I really craving at this moment? Then find the book or your sudoku, dance to your own music, phone a good friend, go for a solitary walk, think about what would add meaning to your life, or write that poem or paint that picture. Try and find the true connection to what is driving this hunger, and satisfy that. (*With thanks to Julie MacIntosh) To follow:  Part 3 of a series on weight loss  So should I never eat...

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