When things fall apart.

When things fall apart.

In the film The Best Marigold Hotel, Evelyn says, Initially you’re overwhelmed. But gradually you realize it’s like a wave. Resist, and you’ll be knocked over. Dive into it, and you’ll swim out the other side.

Sometimes life falls apart on multiple levels all at once. Perhaps bereavement or a divorce, coupled with resultant emotional adjustments, family relationship strains, moving home and some financial chaos – all happening concurrently! I had such a year in 2013 when my life seemed to go over a cliff on multiple fronts at once and I was buffeted by one severe thing after another, so rapidly in succession, my head was spinning!

I felt paralyzed by fear and pain, and literally suffered from inertia, an inability to take action on any level. It was terrifying. While I sat like a rabbit in a spotlight, mesmerized and unable to move, fortunately I had two people in my life who were willing to take over the reigns of my life and to whom I was very happy to give over my power. I don’t know how I would have survived without them and will always be grateful for the practical and emotional support they gave me.

But as I emerged from the shock and paralysis and began to regain my strength and equilibrium, it became very important to me to take back my life from these people. To become my own person once more – someone able to act powerfully and once again to be in control of my own life. And now, from a position of regained strength and calm, I am able to take stock, and evaluate the lessons I learnt from that frightening time.

On looking back, the first thing I notice is that while I was in the middle of my storm, it sometimes felt there was no way out, that it would go on forever, and that this would be the shape of my life to come. Well, this isn’t true. All things pass. So if you now are in the middle of a storm, breathe, and be kind to yourself. Sometimes at the very worst of times, doing nothing is just the very best you can do.

The second thing I notice, is the importance of practical and emotional support during that time our brains are frozen. Who do you have around you who can be a support?

The third thing that was very meaningful for me, was to establish a safe and stable home – a safe base from which to kick off. This is what I call my port in a storm. A safe little nest where one can lick one’s wounds in privacy and calm, and allow oneself to slowly heal.

Which you will.

As Sonny in The Best Marigold Hotel says: Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.

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